September 23, 2009 § Leave a comment
last night, i got home from Young Life Crud War and was a total mess…dog food in my hair, shaving cream remnants in the corners of my eyes, flour caking my clothes, and lake water dripping on my bathroom floor. but i was so thrilled to have just been with people under 50 and over 10 for a while. my life lately has consisted of fellow teachers who are all lovely people but are mostly middle-aged moms and my students who are precious…but not friend material. so it was crazy to, having said yes to volunteering with Young Life, find myself sitting at Sonic with a crowd of teenagers and other volunteers in my stage of life, just included in an almost instant community without having to prove myself. the hardest thing i had to do was wipe shaving cream out of my eye.
why have i run from community? seriously. i’ve run from it. i’ve blamed a lot of things for why i haven’t plugged in to fellowship in the past year and a half. what’s that? you want to know what i’ve blamed? shoot. okay:
- they won’t like me.
- i won’t like them.
- they’re not like IHOP.
- they’re too much like IHOP.
- they’re too far from where i am.
- they’re close enough, but i don’t know if i’m going to be in this area for much longer.
- i think there’s something better out there.
That last one is my main one. I’m always on the lookout for something better.
But today, I really felt the Lord calling me on the fact that I haven’t been submitted to any human being for a good while now. I have really resisted doing anything that anyone else tells me to do and I’ve considered it my right to do my own thing. Let me just spare you that mistake now, if you’re considering doing that: DON’T. You’re not doing yourself any favors. Trust me. I just feel kind of like I’ve looked at multiple offers of blank, signed checks over the last couple of years and said, “No, thanks. I think I’ll go try to make my own five bucks an hour.”
Not smart. Don’t do it. I am asking God to help me never do it again.