i am alive.

July 19, 2008 § Leave a comment

i just had one of the best mornings that i’ve had maybe ever.  after my first work week (i loved it…feel a little like a fish out of water…but i think it’s going to be good), i got up this morning (since when did 7:00 am become “sleeping in”?  oh yeah.  this week.) and drove out to Johnson’s Backyard Garden, a local 120-member CSA, where i was going to do a work-share, which means i work and they share. 

produce, that is.  lots of veggies para mi.

 

as i picked little, stickery cucumbers off their vines, smelling the cantaloupes on the next row, i wondered, how have i lived without doing this? 

i love the dirt.

 

then i got to pick squash and zucchini.  (i want to open a restaurant called zucchini’s.  what do you think?)  then eggplant…  so beautiful.  like glossy purple jewels hanging thick on green and mauve plants.

 

then i rode a tractor!  will and jeff, two interns who work 6 am to 4 pm on the farm Monday-Saturday, recruited me to help them plant some little eggplant plants fresh out of the greenhouse.  i got to ride on the sweeeeeeeeeeeeetest tractor, called a transplanter, and drop little plants into the holes that the tractor poked into plastic and then filled with water.  it looked like this:


only i was where the guy in the picture is and jeff was where the girl is.  but it was so fun.  and i got to pick jeff’s brain about horticulture, agriculture, and austin culture.  good times.

 

then i got some amazing veggies i’m going to live on all week…squash, onions, cherub tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers…

 

and THEN i went to mandola’s with aunt chris and camille!  aunt chris treated me, even though i was dirty from working, and we ate eggplant-zucchini-goat cheese pizza and talked for two hours.  aaah.  thank you, Jesus.  for everything.

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vineyards in a wilderness.

July 7, 2008 § 1 Comment

I’m in the waiting stage.  I’ve tried to jump ahead and push my way through multiple times…

  • searching for a place to live
  • thinking i found the place to live and practically signing the lease
  • wishing i was dating
  • running headlong into yet another situation of unavailability (I’m going to learn one day not to like someone who’s in another state, not ready to date, or already dating…I really am)
  • wanting things and thinking about it a lot…realignment of my wheels on my car, heels for work, a ticket to LA to see Rachel, a new computer, books about project management…but not having a paycheck yet

 

But the Lord is clearly speaking that He’s allured me into the wilderness and He wants me to just

 

WAIT.

 

No more pushing ahead with my own agenda.  Just wait for His surprises!  He wants me all to Himself right now.  He wants me for His pleasure.  And I want to be His resting place, the one He looks to when His eyes are searching for someone loyal.  I don’t want to be the grumbling girl.  But sometimes I just feel like

  • fingerpainting angry colors
  • getting in my car and driving fast
  • and not caring that I might as well be setting hundred dollar bills on fire.

 

…waiting…

i have a job.

July 4, 2008 § 2 Comments

you heard me.  i am employed.  actually, they offered it to me and told me to wait until monday to accept.  which i will do, but i had already accepted the moment i saw their number pop up on my phone.  actually, i accepted when i shook his hand and left the interview on tuesday.  actually, i had accepted before that, so long before that that it is useless to even try to go backwards in time and try to figure out when.

 

honestly, though, this day has been a little emotional and definitely not drama-free.  i don’t like drama.  at all.  so it wore me out and kept me from being as excited as i might have been about the fact that I don’t have to pore over craigslist job postings anymore, i don’t have to keep my resume with me anymore, i don’t have to write any more thank you notes to prospective employers, i don’t have to iron my interview outfit again, and i don’t have to worry about if i won’t have enough money to buy my mom a birthday present.

 

i may write a book about this experience.  it will be entitled Get A Life: What to Do When You Lose Yours.  because basically every college graduate loses their life.  and people think they KNOW how to invent a new one, but they don’t.  we don’t.  we just fish around for one until something latches onto us, and then we pretend it’s what we were looking for all along.

 

it’s different though when Jesus is with us and we know it.  because He really gave me this job.  HE IS MY HUSBAND.  and such a stellar one.  so i keep plugging along, nose to the grindstone, trying to find housing and friends and church and schedule and new hang-outs, and then look up!  and He’s walking right in front of me, leading the way, by quiet waters and green pastures.

 

i went to cafe caffeine on Mary Avenue today with jana, whose soul i love.  it was a green pasture.
i also ate taste tests at whole foods with jana.  more green.
tonight, mom and i sat on the front porch and looked at a magazine.  quiet waters….

and tomorrow, fireworks!

Where Am I?

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