wrath and tenderness.

February 1, 2008 § Leave a comment

I remember when I accused Him in my heart.  I was sitting in a religion class, and my professor started asking us why God would tell the children of Israel to kill off whole tribes of human beings.  I couldn’t come up with an answer.  I wanted to.  I wanted a neat little explanation.  But instead I just reduced Him to being less compassionate than me, less merciful than He should be. 

 We got our work assignments today.  Every Friday for the rest of the internship I will be transcripting Dave Sliker’s “Old Testament Survey” class he teaches at the Forerunner School of Ministry.  Since I’ve been here, God has been gently (He proves Himself so gentle over and over) sloughing off the layers of self-comfort I have used to cover up the offense in my heart.  I’ve begun to realize where I don’t trust God and where I believe He’s actually angry pretty much all the time. 

Sitting at Higher Grounds, the coffee shop next door to the prayer room, I began listening to Dave talking about the dichotomous God in the modern church, who was a booming, raging God pre-Cross and is now an effeminate, meek God of grace.  We read the parts of the Word that feel okay.  But is there a place we can wrestle through where God is consistent?  It’s so incredibly fuzzy in my mind, but when I put on the glasses of the bridal paradigm, I can stop squinting.  He’s jealous.  I’m still not sure why He had to kill off the women and children of the Amalekites, but I’m starting to open my heart back up to trust Him.  I’m so thankful that He gave me such a random work assignment to move my heart!  He’s jealous for me.

He’s so surprising.  I can never figure out what He’s going to do.  “Consistent in His nature, but unpredictable in His ways” [Graham Cook].  I’m so intrigued.  Hungry, dissatisfied, in pain, even kicking and screaming a lot of the time, but on the way…

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